I like to think I am pretty smart but sometimes it takes a two-by-four up against my head to bring to light an answer or explanation to what I have been anguishing about for months. I’m married to Dan Miller. Love of my life and a pretty extraordinary guy. I love his wisdom, his take-charge and in-control mindset (most of the time)….I listen to his podcasts and the last one I listened to he was suggesting that if you don’t yet have your goals set for next year, you are a L-O-S-E-R! Well, at least that is what ran through my mind when I heard him elaborating on how he has his set and is so excited about what the next year will bring…..BECAUSE he has his goals written out and in front of him to refer to daily. This will ensure he has an incredible year.
I’m a failure. I can easily take that attitude. It’s in my DNA. I can’t live up to Dan’s standards of measurement. I can’t measure up to the incredible peer pressure of the circles in which we associate and immerse ourselves due to the nature of our business. I’m simply not wired that way. God knows, I have tried. I think, somewhere in the cob-webby cavities of a file cabinet somewhere I could find a feeble attempt at writing out goals once or twice…..just to say I did. But I don’t recall ever going back to look at them or pay much attention to them after they were filed.
Today Dan and I were enjoying our typical Sabbath morning discussion about what we are reading. He is reading Sabbath by Wayne Muller (for about the sixth time) and I had just read a section in my book that I marked to think about further. Our conversation led me to share that section with Dan:
“I understood that true joy and happiness could only be found in loving myself, going inward, following my heart, and doing what brought me joy. I discovered that when my life seems directionless and I feel lost….what it really means is that I’ve lost my sense of self. I’m not connected with who I truly am and what I’ve come here to be. ” (Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani) “
Dan got this smile on his face, jumped up and got his laptop and told me I needed to read a blog post by Matthew Casteel. It sucked me in with the title, Quit Taking Goal Setting From Type A People. The piece is brilliant. I wish I had written it. Just knowing there are others out there in the real world who are more relationship-oriented than goal-oriented is comforting to me.
I have had too many instances lately of God’s revealing to me that I need to stay true to myself. I love my career as Chief Creative Officer of our Haven of Peace. Dan faces each day with toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, toilet paper, shampoo, conditioner…..that magically appear at his fingertips without him ever having to think about it. He puts on cleanly laundered clothes he never has to wash, dry or press. He eats the home-made muffins that take me half a day to bake and the tea I brew and fix to his liking and set in front of him. I could go on and on. I do these things because I love my husband, I love my family, I love my home.
Someone has to carve out the time to make life happen smoothly in our home, in our social life (which would rarely occur if not for me) and with our three kids, their spouses, and sixteen grandkids from college age to infancy. Someone has to send birthday, anniversary, congratulations cards, gifts and phone calls. Someone has to buy groceries, clothing, linens, gadgets, toiletries, essentials for the home. And of course, someone has to clean….floors, windows, beds, dishes, cobwebs, dust mites, etc. It’s never-ending and it’s demanding to be a wife/mother/grandmother. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world (well…..there are days….). I chose this career. And I can’t predict what will happen next year. I wouldn’t want to. I am Joanne. Not a Type A. And I am learning daily how to be true to myself and not always strive to live up to everyone else’s expectations or desires. It’s a struggle for me because I live surrounded by Type A’s. But I am also learning that those Type A’s wouldn’t function very well if not for those of us who pick up the pieces….and smoothe out the edges….and create a Haven of Peace for them to crash at night after they have spent hours constructing their life maps.
To thine own self be true.