I like to think I am pretty smart but sometimes it takes a two-by-four up against my head to bring to light an answer or explanation to what I have been anguishing about for months. I’m married to Dan Miller. Love of my life and a pretty extraordinary guy. I love his wisdom, his take-charge and in-control mindset (most of the time)….I listen to his podcasts and the last one I listened to he was suggesting that if you don’t yet have your goals set for next year, you are a L-O-S-E-R! Well, at least that is what ran through my mind when I heard him elaborating on how he has his set and is so excited about what the next year will bring…..BECAUSE he has his goals written out and in front of him to refer to daily. This will ensure he has an incredible year.
I’m a failure. I can easily take that attitude. It’s in my DNA. I can’t live up to Dan’s standards of measurement. I can’t measure up to the incredible peer pressure of the circles in which we associate and immerse ourselves due to the nature of our business. I’m simply not wired that way. God knows, I have tried. I think, somewhere in the cob-webby cavities of a file cabinet somewhere I could find a feeble attempt at writing out goals once or twice…..just to say I did. But I don’t recall ever going back to look at them or pay much attention to them after they were filed.
Today Dan and I were enjoying our typical Sabbath morning discussion about what we are reading. He is reading Sabbath by Wayne Muller (for about the sixth time) and I had just read a section in my book that I marked to think about further. Our conversation led me to share that section with Dan:
“I understood that true joy and happiness could only be found in loving myself, going inward, following my heart, and doing what brought me joy. I discovered that when my life seems directionless and I feel lost….what it really means is that I’ve lost my sense of self. I’m not connected with who I truly am and what I’ve come here to be. ” (Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani) “
Dan got this smile on his face, jumped up and got his laptop and told me I needed to read a blog post by Matthew Casteel. It sucked me in with the title, Quit Taking Goal Setting From Type A People. The piece is brilliant. I wish I had written it. Just knowing there are others out there in the real world who are more relationship-oriented than goal-oriented is comforting to me.
I have had too many instances lately of God’s revealing to me that I need to stay true to myself. I love my career as Chief Creative Officer of our Haven of Peace. Dan faces each day with toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, toilet paper, shampoo, conditioner…..that magically appear at his fingertips without him ever having to think about it. He puts on cleanly laundered clothes he never has to wash, dry or press. He eats the home-made muffins that take me half a day to bake and the tea I brew and fix to his liking and set in front of him. I could go on and on. I do these things because I love my husband, I love my family, I love my home.
Someone has to carve out the time to make life happen smoothly in our home, in our social life (which would rarely occur if not for me) and with our three kids, their spouses, and sixteen grandkids from college age to infancy. Someone has to send birthday, anniversary, congratulations cards, gifts and phone calls. Someone has to buy groceries, clothing, linens, gadgets, toiletries, essentials for the home. And of course, someone has to clean….floors, windows, beds, dishes, cobwebs, dust mites, etc. It’s never-ending and it’s demanding to be a wife/mother/grandmother. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world (well…..there are days….). I chose this career. And I can’t predict what will happen next year. I wouldn’t want to. I am Joanne. Not a Type A. And I am learning daily how to be true to myself and not always strive to live up to everyone else’s expectations or desires. It’s a struggle for me because I live surrounded by Type A’s. But I am also learning that those Type A’s wouldn’t function very well if not for those of us who pick up the pieces….and smoothe out the edges….and create a Haven of Peace for them to crash at night after they have spent hours constructing their life maps.
To thine own self be true.
William Shakespeare
I’m with you. If I have something cool to do then planning it out makes sense. But I don’t need written goals to spend more time hiking or playing music. It seems like a bunch of goals would require more of my time and then I’d spend less time doing what I enjoy.
Maybe it’s like comedy. Some comedians memorize their jokes and give a performance. Some comedians rely heavily on improvising instead and figure it out as they go. I like to figure stuff out as I go.
Ha! I love your analogy to comedians. Yes, for many of us….Life is a continual improvisation! Blessings to you, Sutton.
Love, Love, Love This!!!
So glad this spoke to you, Leigh! Life is a journey for sure. So glad you are on it with me! Blessings to you.
I really identify with this! Thank you for posting. I’m so hard on myself, & expect perfection. This is just what I needed to hear.
So glad this resonated with you Sarah. Our inner perfectionism can cut us down to the quick. We have to continually remind ourselves that only God was perfect….. Blessings to you during this holiday season.
This really put a smile on my face! I am stuck in between. A strong relational drive motivates me on the one hand. On the other, without this regularly written and revised chart called “I have a plan” I tend to wander aimlessly. For the longest time I thought I was “doing it wrong”. But as you pointed out, the only way to do it is the way that’s right for me. And I am the only person who can do that ;-). Thanks, Joanne- this made my day!
Oh, yes, Beth! The only way to do life is definitely what is right for you! I am so adamant this is not a “one size fits all” world! Just as in clothing…..it’s the same with life!! Thanks for your great comment.
Very well said my friend!!! Just continue being the amazing “you”!! I can so relate to all that you shared. I have struggled with the making goals thing all my life. I am so happy you brought all that to light. I, too, am learning that it is ok to be ME!!! So blessed that we have been able to do life together. Love you!!
I know you can relate, Irene. You will forever be my sister-in-heart. Funny how long it takes some of us to really now ourselves! It’s a continuing journey. Love you my friend!
Oh Joanne thank you for reminding me that we are all absolutely perfectly and uniquely made. Love love love this post!
We certainly are unique Marcy…and tapping into our uniqueness is what helps us be our very best. Thanks for your comment.
love it!
Matthew, I hope everyone will read your post. It was priceless! Thanks for speaking out!
Thanks, Joanne. Love your take on being Chief Creative Officer in the home. I can definitely relate. I am only at my best when I am being me. I like to believe that being different is a great think. I tell my husband if we were the same it would be boring.
You are right. Life would be rather dull if we were all alike, Nisla! I like to think we all bring a great mix to this beautiful world and we owe it to ourselves….and to God….to be true to our uniqueness. Blessings to you
So much truth here, Joanne! Thank you for the encouragement to be true to myself!
Erin, I think we all need to write BE KIND AND TRUE TO YOURSELF TODAY!on our mirrors! I hope your cruise was wonderful. I thought about you often and hoped it was a success….and wished I were there with you. Can’t wait to go in February! Go with us??
Hey there, Joanne! I loved your post, and Matthew’s too! I am one of those people like you, who is the total opposite of my spouse. (Btw, Jeff & I met you & Dan on the 2015 cruise, and had the pleasure of having dinner with you on the last night.) Jeff is go-go-go, while I’m slow…slow…slow. Here’s something kind of funny: Today in email, I received links from quite a few people (ahem, including our dear Dan Miller, lol) to a PDF about achieving goals for 2017. I almost downloaded it, and thought, “who am I kidding? I don’t need that kind of pressure!” Thanks for the reminder that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round!
Hi Nicki!! Ready to cruise again? I sure am! Can’t wait till February when we hit the high seas again. Glad you read Matthew’s post. It was priceless. Glad this spoke to you….BTW….I got the PDF download today from Dan too. I glanced at it. That’s about all I will probably do! Yes, it does take all kinds. I am learning daily that I have value in spite of the fact I am not a Type A personality! Ha! Blessings to you and Jeff.
Well said, Joanne.
I am the Type A person in our family. For years it drove me crazy that my husband didn’t have a 40 year plan. But over the years, thanks to your guidance, I’ve come to realize that’s what makes our family whole. While I plan and organize, he makes sure that we slow down and enjoy life. And he’s absolutely the one who maintains our relationships.
This is a great reminder of what happens when we use our strengths to work together.
Thanks, Holly! It takes a lot of personalities to make a good balance in our world…and I believe the same goes for a family. The trick is to embrace one another’s differences rather than fighting to make others become what we think they should be. Thanks for your great comment! Blessings to you…
My dear friend Joanne,
Joanne = Lori, Dan = Chuck. And, Haley is a mini-me. Of course, you already knew all that.
“I am Joanne. Not a Type A. And I am learning daily how to be true to myself and not always strive to live up to everyone else’s expectations or desires. It’s a struggle for me because I live surrounded by Type A’s. But I am also learning that those Type A’s wouldn’t function very well if not for those of us who pick up the pieces….and smoothe out the edges….and create a Haven of Peace for them to crash at night after they have spent hours constructing their life maps.”
Thanks for reminding me how to love, accept and cherish our so very special Joanne and Lori. I know Dan would feel and say the same.
We miss you guys ….
Wow Chuck! Thanks for commenting. Miss you all so much an wish we could see you. Yes, Lori and I have a valuable piece to play in helping our Type A spouses climb the ladder to success. It’s unfortunate that our society doesn’t hold motherhood/wifehood in higher esteem. I firmly believe we are the backbone of the world….We hold it all together in love. Thanks so much for your kind words. Blessings and love to you and your family.
Amen! And, I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to journey to Nashville or tug you guys down to San Antonio soon.
All our love and blessings to you, Dan and massive family!